- R.I.P. Stephen Daniel Pitcock.. I love you so much, n' always will. We'll be together again someday. And you're kept in my heart.

-* I'm BaCk..!! It's about a year n' a half since I last used Xanga. My boyfriend, of 3 years died on Sept.23, 2006.. And after he passed away, I just stopped writing, because I didn't think I had anything else to say to anyone. That was the most horrible experience I've ever had to go through. I miss him so much.. and I still don't know what to do without him.. And what hurt the most, was all the hurtful rumor's n' lies people said about him and Me.! But I guess the reason I decided to start writing on Xanga again, was to tell the truth about alot of things.. cause believe me, there was alot of lies going around about me.. And the way I look at it.. Here's the truth n' you either like it or you don't. I'm not trying to impress anyone.. I can only be me..

     - Well.. After Stephen passed away, I had a complete nervous breakdown. I completely lost it. He was my absolute everything. I didn't care about myself anymore.. Not at all. Infact, I really didn't care if I lived or died. And yes.. I'm going to tell the truth. Stephen wasn't the only one on drugs.. I was too. But at the time he died.. I was only doing Perks here n there.. It was after he passed, that I didn't care about myself, and couldn't handle the pain.. So I starting using drugs very heavily to numb the pain I was going through. Pretty dumb right? I know, but at the time it was a good idea. And I also had it in my head that as long as I wasn't doing Herion.. I was okay.. Ha wrong.. So instead, I was drowning myself in OxyContins, and Fentanyl patches... Anything to numb the pain and get high.. So after about 5-6 mon. of my self medicating.. I couldn't take it anymore.. I hated being sick all the time, and just doing what I was doing.. So it was either Re-hab.. or the Discovery House.. I wanted to try Rehad, but would it have worked? Considering I would have came right back to Clearfield n' the same old crowd of friends? Most likely not. So I tried the Discovery House.. And I'm so SICK of what people say about Methadone. I take my " Medicine" the way I'm supposed to, and when I'm supposed to, and I've been clean from all other drugs for about 7 months. And No.. I don't get " High" from my medicine.. I just don't crave drugs.. and I'm not sick. Sure there are people who abuse methadone.. By selling it, to buy other drugs.. By taking Xanax or Klonopins on top of their methadone..  But that isn't me. I finally got tired of the way I was living my life.. and needed a change. And I'm doing great on my methadone.. And like I said in the beginning of this entry.. You either like who I'am, or you don't. I can't change people. But don't judge me cause of my " medicine". It isn't what you think. But other than all that.. I'm still trying to get other parts of my life together. I'm going to be taking classes for my GED, and I have to get my liscense. After Stephen died.. everything just went on hold. But now I'm finally starting to get my life together. I still have my " Mental" problems, from Stephen dyeing.. Yes, on the phone with me.. But my doctors are helping me with that. But I'm getting better.. So there you have it. There's the truth.. From me.. not anyone else. I was so tired of hearing lie after lie.. So I thought it was time to clear some things up..

  * But I will be writing again. I'm not sure how often.. But atleast once a week.. I hope. But I do have one request.. If you have any negative comments to say to me.. Leave them for my face. There not meant to be left on here.. But other than that. I have to eat my supper, and finish laundry.. So, have a good one, and I'll write again soon..

                    * Mara.*

       * Wow.. It's been such a long time..!

   Well, I haven't written in a long ass time. I guess I just don't really have time, and plus Xanga can be stupid sometimes. I mean, it's not like I get a whole shit load of comments either.. Lol..

  Anyways, things have been going pretty good. Me and Stephen are doing great! He's been working alot.. and when I say alot, I mean it. He never takes his days off. When he does get a day off, he works anyways. He loves to make money. For the last 4 days, he's worked 11 hours a day! That's alot of hours to work for one day. But he loves his job, and that's a good thing. And guess what! He's about to be a manager!! Within the next month, he'll be a manager. I'm so proud of him. He has changed so much. It's amazing. He stopped doing all the stupid shit that he did while he was living here, and he stopped getting himself into trouble. I'm just so happy for him. He's coming up on Thursday, and staying until Sunday afternoon. My cousin Scotty is picking him up on Thursday, and then Jen and I are takin him home on Sunday, because he has work. I can't wait! I haven't seen him in almost 2 weeks.. It's gonna be nice to be able to hold him in my arms.. haha.. Well anyways, my moms Birthday is on Wednesday, so my gram and I went shopping today, and I got my mom all kinds of stuff. She's gonna love everything I got her. And also, me and my gram went to JcPenneys too. I got a new sweater, and I got it in Blue. Usually, I always get pink, because that's my favorite color. But I thought I needed a change. My mom and me went to Wal-Mart the other night, and I got a new outfit there too. I don't care what anyone says about Wal-Mart, they are actually starting to get some nice clothes there. I was surprised to find a pair of jeans, that I liked, and that fit me right. I also got a Brown sweater to go with my jeans, and a Tan colored tank top to go with the jeans and sweater. So that was cool. Last night, I stayed up until 3:30 in the morning cleaning my room! I washed my walls down. You wouldn't believe how freakin dirty my walls were. It was so disgusting! I just couldn't stand looking at it anymore. Then, I moved my room around, and dusted my furniture. I absolutely love my room now. I have made my mind up, and there will be no more smoking in my room. After seeing my walls.. I decided there will be no more smoking in there! Haha.. I went and paid Stephens fine off today.. 115$. He had a freakin Warrant out for his arrest, so good thing I got his letter today, with his money in it. So I'm very relieved his fine is paid off.. But he'll be getting his other fine within the next few months. Which sucks.. But what can ya do.. My cat had kittens! Aww, they are so cute. She had 3. And they are just about 3 weeks old. I already have one of them taken. Jen is takin one of them, when they are old enough to leave their mom. I wanna keep one of them.. But I'm not sure which one yet.. Well, right now.. I'm just hanging out with my mom, and waiting for Stephen to call me. So I'm gonna get going. I'll try an update more often. Later On..*

  * PLEASE Leave me Comments!!

    - I Love you Stephen Daniel.. Mwahh!!